Financial abuse against disabled people

What is financial abuse?

Financial abuse is always about money, but it can take many forms.

• It can be when people demand that you spend money on them.
• It can also be when people persuade you to spend money on them.

Examples:

• If someone wants to go somewhere and says you can come with them, but you must pay for them. This could be going to the movies, concerts, or traveling abroad.
• If someone wants you to pay for them. Like when you go to a restaurant together.
• If someone wants you to buy things for them.
• If someone wants you to give them large and expensive gifts.
• If someone wants you to pay their bill. Like for phone or Netflix.
• If someone wants you to sign something that will make you pay for it later. Like being a guarantor for a loan.
• If someone rations your money and closely watches what you spend.
• If someone transfers your salary into their bank account and refuses to give you access to it.
• If someone spends your money without permission.

It is not financial abuse if someone asks to borrow from you and pays it back, or if you pay for something once for a friend or family member, or if you take turns paying.

If it happens repeatedly, then it is not normal.

If the individual threatens you or says something bad will happen if you do not pay, then it is always financial abuse.

Examples of threats:

• They will stop being your friend.
• They will tell everyone that you are a stingy person or not a good friend.

Mate crime

Mate crime is when someone pretends to be your friend to scam money out of you.

It is called mate crime because those who do it pretend to be your mates.

• They will try to get you to pay for everything.
• They will often tell you not to tell anyone that you pay for everything or give them money.
• You are doing something that you pay for almost always when you are with them.
• You rarely just spend time together or chat.

Such people are not real friends.

They can have all kinds of excuses:

• They always forget their wallet.
• They just do not have any money right now.
• They deserve that you pay because they are such good friends.
• They are doing you a favour by coming with you.

They try to become friends with people who do not have many friends already.

Those who experience the abuse find it difficult to say no because they do not want to lose a friend.

They think it is better to pay rather than be lonely.

It is never worth having friends who are not real friends.

What is normal in a friendship?

It is normal to spend money on your friends.

However, it needs to be fair.

It is only fair if all parties spend money sometimes.

You can invite your real friends to the movies because you know they will buy the snacks or invite you to the movies or out to eat later.

But if you know that you will always pay for everything, then this is not friendship.

How much control do my parents or others have over my money?

If you are 18 years old, no one controls your money except you.

No one is allowed to try to take or control your money.

That is why it is important to take good care of it.

I might be experiencing mate crime

If you think someone is using you, it is important to talk to someone you trust.

It can be:

• A family member.
• A friend you have known for a long time.
• A school counsellor or teacher.
• A supervisor or colleague if you are working.
• A counsellor at an organization.
• A counsellor at Municipal Social Services.

You do not need to be sure about anything or have decided anything to talk about what is happening in your life.

People usually want to help their friends and family members, so do not worry that they will not want to listen to you.

Do not be afraid that someone will scold you or make fun of you. Everyone has made mistakes or believed lies.

It is also often good to get opinions from others before deciding what you want to do, especially if it is about money.

Who can I trust?

• You can trust people you have known for a long time and who have helped you before.
• You can trust people who know you well and are good to you.
• You cannot trust people who have just come into your life and do not really know you at all.
• You can also trust people who work to help others.

For example, everyone at Þroskahjálp, The Icelandic Autistic Society, Municipal Social Services, and Rights Protection Offices wants to help you. It does not matter if they do not know you at all. They work to help people.

Rights Protection Officer for disabled people

• You can go to the Rights Protection Officer if you experienced friend fraud or if someone is abusing you.
• When you go there, they will ask you what you want to do about the situation.
• They can guide you and give you information.
• They can help you get a spokesperson who helps you with things like finances.
• They can also help you get a person who will look after your money in the future.
• They never do anything unless you agree to it.

Will I get the money back?

Unfortunately, there's little hope you will get back money that you have already spent or given away.

However, you can learn from your mistakes and make sure this does not happen again.