Boundaries and consent
Sex is based on equality and good communication where the longing of both parties is respected. It is never OK to beg or force someone to have sex, whether we are in a relationship or not. Both persons need to feel OK talking about their boundaries. By making fun of other people‘s needs, saying they are silly, or react in an awkward way is disrespecting them.
Consent for sex is very important and necessary for everyone to feel good. But what exactly is consent?
- To talk about what we want and listen to the other person, before, during, and after.
- To ask for permission instead of assuming that it‘s ok to do something.
- To continue asking the person what they like and what they want to do, even if you‘ve slept together before. Sometimes people like different things.
- Consent can be with words or physical expression. If the other person is silent, uncertain, or says „maybe“ – that is not consent.
Samþykki felur í sér að hinn aðilinn sé meðvitaður. Sofandi, mjög drukkið eða meðvitundarlaust fólk getur ekki veitt samþykki. // Consent also means that the other person is conscious. People who are sleeping or unconscious cannot give their consent.
You are not respecting boundaries if:
- You pressure the other person into doing something that they don‘t want to do, for example by threatening or making that person feel guilty.
- Make the other person feel like they owe you sex or sexual behavior, if you gave them a gift, did them a favour or asked them out on a date.
- Ignores boundaries that have been set/demonstrated, for example, if the person moves away from you or pushes you away.
It doesn‘t matter if the person told you something else before – people have the right to change their minds. Rape is defined by consent. This means that any form of sexual behaviour is rape if there is no consent. Therefore consent is a key element in any sexual context.